I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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