he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
