I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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