You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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