he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We are all done wearing pants today
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
