Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
