Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
