Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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