if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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