the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
