Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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