11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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