he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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