Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
