i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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