found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
