he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
