you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
This toilet bowl is my home.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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