genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
