Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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