ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
