I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
