Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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