Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He uses pillows to masturbate.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
