His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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