She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
