I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The Olympian is in my bed
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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