Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
