Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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