I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You were trust falling into bushes
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
