theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
the night ended with taco bell and tears
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
