Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize