if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
