no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
