I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
sex in a hospital.. check
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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