we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
