Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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