he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
