Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He has the fingertips of a God
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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