I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
