please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
