i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
