C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
