Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
im holly from the hills drunk
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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