i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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