i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
