you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I pour the whiskey from now on
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
