how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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