FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
