i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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