I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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