let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
