She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Randomize
