You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Houston, we have a squirter
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
FUCK WHALES
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
