There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She swung at the pinata with crutches
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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