I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
