I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
