She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
