were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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