You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize