she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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