Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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