i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
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