I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Vodka?
Forever.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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