my phone needs a breathalizer
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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