In America we eat man semen.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
