nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Yo dont text me then not text me
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
