You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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