Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
