FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize