i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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