He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
