I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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