I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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