He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
