I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
