I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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