Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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