Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
