for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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