Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
