we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
