I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
